I could still recall most vividly how it was like - the first time i held a girl's hand. It was during one of those excursions in primary school where kids had to line up in lines of two as they waddle their way around the zoo behind their teachers. I had this major crush on this girl in class then called Cheryl and when i figured we had to hold hands, i was reduced to a state best described as being scared shitless. As much as i want to get jiggy with this ohsosweet-eye-candy of mine, i was crippled by a mixture of strange, fearful yet familiar feelings.
As i grow older, nothing much has changed apart from the fact that this anxiety i go through each time i come into contact with one of the opposite sex grew dreadfully stronger and stronger. As a teenager in one of the most prestigious boys schools infamous for its corporate playboy culture and unofficial student-affliations with many other girls schools, i was quite the opposite of what my school culture would define - I was self-conscious, frustrated and very much shy and introvert. Each time my friends go on bragging about their experience with girls from our sister school, i would be reminded of how fucking pathetic i was. Depressed, i was desperate for some form of solution.
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